back to you.

for some reason i am being extremely 'faithless'. in many thing! it truly sounds quite awful as i type it now... but i am encouraging myself in that i can continue on, gain my faith back, and pursue the life that God has for me.
i had felt so secure and content in where i was and now it is almost being ripped for my feet this week.
a slight preface- i am living in an amazing house, with amazing roommates, found an amazing car, and still working in my amazing spa, and will be starting amazing school in January.
but for a reason that has yet to be determined, i am having an AWFUL week-and its Tuesday!

on my faith note, i am not relying on God to provide for me as i know He will. i am telling myself i am broke, this sucks, and what am i going to do. but what am I going to do?? well goodness nothing because i can do nothing. God IS my provider and nothing will be done unless He does. God will give me what He wants, when He wants me to have it, and how He will deliver it to me.
is there were i continue to encourage myself in that ?

one of my favorite people in the world (my roommate) didn't receive a job she has long been praying about; it had been the grace of God and an extreme blessing that the job was even open to her. when i read the message this morning, one part of me thought, 'Of course...' as she had finally been getting excited about this opportunity and that things would fall in place for her, the idea is ripped up and washed down our sidewalk.
i did send her quite the message back;an encouraging message. that God would place her where He needs her most and would lead her there when the time was right. my mentor told me something this last week that stuck as well, saying that we must keep walking until the door is shut, and when it is shut, to begin walking through the next.

back to faith: seeing that God will take me and use me when, where, and how He wants me most in now on my heart. knowing that well, i don't have much money, but where i use the some that i have-use it wisely. i may not have that many friends, but the ones i am invested in-stay with them.
i may not be able to do all that i want to do, whether it being for the good of others, good of myself, or the good of the world (boo), but what God does want me to do- i must pursue that.

i think about how i wish God would spur my heart stronger for Him- and i know He does, i just have to act as well. to wake up and know that God will lead my morning, the next hour, and my entire day; to know that i will glorify Him with each action that i take and word that i speak; to know that i am His daughter and He has sent me with a mission that i will follow forever and ever.

Lord, bring my heart back to you, so that I may lead my life and others towards you until you return or bring us home.